Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
