I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
