you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
