She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
