I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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