Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
