It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think my vagina is haunted
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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