Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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