# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
