You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
