Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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