Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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