Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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