Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
