Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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