I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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