There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
