I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
