420 ftw
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
