Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
