I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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