I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
vagina is talking i cant
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize