I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
