it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
