You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize