If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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