she was so not down for the gang bang
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
