I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You can't special order awesome
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
