as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
