Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
