FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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