If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize