Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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