somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
