just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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