We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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