it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
