I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
