So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
