3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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