Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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