either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
