I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
