what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
