I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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