Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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