We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
