I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
