my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
