A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
