you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
