just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
