ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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