In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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