it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
