Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
