community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
