I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
