Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
