You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Actions speak louder than pants.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
