Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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