I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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