2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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