i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
