I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
