we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
