my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
