I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
