My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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