i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
