I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
