Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
