i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
