she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
