My balls are so social today.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
