You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
