Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize