i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
