and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
