I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
