so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
