I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
