I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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