I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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