I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
