naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
