I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dear god my vagina.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
