Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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