But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
