Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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