I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
