Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
